What I Wore | Embracing Your Insecurities
Insecurities, we all have them. And those pesky thoughts in the back of your mind come in all shapes and sizes. Whether that be not being good enough, not being tall enough, having cellulite or stretch marks, or worrying about acne scars. We all have them. The benefit of getting older? You start to realize those thoughts get smaller and smaller, and when they do appear, you say screw ‘em. Everyone else is thinking about their own pesky thoughts, and not focused on the things we’re concerned about; and truly, only we see them.
During your teen years, all you can think about is what people are thinking about you. Are they judging you? Are they internally mocking you? I worried about that at least. Even though I was confident in what I wore and my outfit combinations, body-confident wise, I wasn’t all the way there. Looking back, I shouldn’t have been worried or concerned. However, hindsight is always 20/20. The thing you discover is everyone else is feeling the exact same thing you are.
As my high school years progressed, those thoughts got louder. My skin took a MAJOR turn for the worse in between my junior and senior year of high school. And enter in the reason I wear make-up every day. I always had decent skin up until this point, and when I didn’t, I didn't know what to do or how to feel about it. Being fair skinned, any tiny little blemish leaves a mark for what seems like an eternity. And to make matters even worse, I have small scars from kitten scratches as a kid. So, added up together, I wanted to have a bag over my head. Which leads us to our next stop!
My skin did not clear up on its own, and intense skin care products did not touch it, medication was the next step. Due to a couple other health issues, birth control was suggested. It helped with the first concerns and helped with my much bigger concern. Thankfully, it cleared my skin. However, it also brought up something else. Weight gain.
I gained weight almost instantly. Granted at that point, I was for sure underweight. Because of the weight gain and a fair amount at that, we switched. And then I gained more. And it continued from there. Because of that, I went from 100 pounds to 135 in a very short period. Because of how quickly it happened, my legs and chest got terrible stretch marks. They do fade, however they’re still there. And if that wasn’t enough, the cellulite I had just got amplified. Fun things you want to worry about at 17!
As the past 8 years have gone by, those pesky little thoughts have turned into a little whisper. I have become more comfortable in my own skin, and okay having those things be shown to the world. With my make-up routine, I have gotten much lighter and okay with my natural skin showing through. As far as the stretch marks go, it no longer hinders me from wearing shorts. They’re there, and you know what? That’s okay!
Sunnies: Franco Sarto |
Matte Liquid Lip: Matte Ink in Escapist |
Swimsuit: By Cassandre |
Towel: Vintage (my Dad's) |
Thanks for reading!!